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Friday, November 20, 2009


     His words made me bawl. I had thought the same thing earlier, I thought I was being so selfish when I said it to myseslf, it just sounded different when he said it.  Two young, newlywed couples have recently moved onto our street, we can see one out our front door and the other out our living room window. They come and go, freely it seems. As I came through the foyer this evening, I glanced outside to see the lights on across the street. I wonder what they are up to tonight?  They are a constant reminder of Friday nights when Jim & I were just married, we went to Walmart...that's when we did our grocery shopping. We did everything together. We didn't do anything, but we were always doing nothing together. I can't remember much about those days, except quiet Sunday afternoons and peaceful meals. So this evening, in the midst of the usual dinner table chaos, as I stood at the counter peeling cucumbers, a plate flies, there's a pond of milk on the table and chewed chicken is making its way out of someone's mouth onto my once clean floor. Jim, coming to the rescue with the Swiffer and a towel, says to me, remember what it  was like when it was just us? I tried to hide the stream of tears that began to roll down my cheeks. He heard me sniffle, he wrapped his arms around me. A few moments later he reminded us both that we just have to laugh at some stuff and this supper was one of them!
      I saw a recent FB post of a friend that said "Mom-Up."  I find that very useful for me right now. We think, I'll get it together and grow up when I get married, then we say that once we are married-we'll settle down once we have kids. We think it's an automatic switch that just turns on-click- you're selfless....and you have "mommed-up"  But that is so far from the truth. For someone that is very selfish, I have got a lot of momming up to do. It's a process, an embarrassing one at times. A repititous request I have of the Lord in the mornings before my feet hit the floor is that I would see the shortcomings I have as a mom and that I would have wisdom to correct them-and in the process my kids are not scarred for life as a result of them! I do all the things I said pre-children that I would never do. I forget I even have kids sometimes. I get so wrapped up in myself and what I am doing or the conversation and don't even realize my child has his head stuck in the vending machine- (hypothetically speaking)! I love my little boys more than you could imagine, there's no doubt about that, but there comes a time, when I have to get over myself and mom-up! I don't have the mommy instincts that people like, Michelle Duggar have, or Jim's mom and sisters even. Gentleness, patience and caring words do not come easy for me. I came from a tough love kind of family and that's all I know. I have a lot to learn. A long way to go. I need to work harder at it. My friend and I had a conversation about this same thing this very week. She admitted she didn't have the mommy instinct either. It was great, well not great, but I realized I wasn't alone! We're both on this difficult journey of momming-up together.
     I think it's a good thing that I can't really recall the quietness Jim & I had before our boys arrived in our lives. Maybe it was too quiet.  I just hope and pray that we can be godly examples to our new neighbors and friends. Allowing them to see that there's good and bad, the journey isn't easy at times. But that having a family, chaotic as it may sound through our windows at dinner time, is an absolute joy and one of the greatest blessings in the world.

1 comment:

  1. You seem like you're a pretty good mommy to me! I hope I can see all the good and humor in all the oopsies like you do when I have kids :)


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