Be Still

I love the evenings when everyone is in bed and the house is quiet and I can hear myself think, better yet, I can hear God speak. This is my time to be alone with my Father, to get deeply entrenched in His Word. The only time I get to sit and cry to Him, to feel His arms around me. Draw near to God and He will come near to you. -James 4:8

It's been one of "those" days when a good cry on His shoulder is all I need. Nothing needs to be said by either side, just a simple, "Father." Be still and know that I am God.-Psalm 46:10

Last week was an amazing week of growing closer as a family, spending quality time together. Jim and I were able to just love on our boys without distractions or schedules. Then this week began and it was back to the grind. I've been planning for our 10-year high school reunion that is this weekend and it actually has all fallen into place, but I stress about it, because I want everyone to have a good time.

So normal life activities, the added stress of a big weekend ahead and then a call from the doctor about a worsened pregnancy issue that has risen and I slump into the couch and wish I had the evening, right then, at that moment, to crawl up into God's arms. If I don't slow down and get off my feet I will be put on bed rest. I looked at Taylor, he came over to me and saw the tears on my face and said, "Mommy, I'm your friend, I'll help you feel better, friends help friends." Water works!

I remember the week I had Andrew, I felt like it was a week of Taylor's life that I missed. Jim's parents and sister were here, so he was well entertained and taken care of, but he's my son, my responsibility, my love. I kept thinking, Taylor wants to go to the park so bad this week, can I still do that? The fact is, I can, and I want to, it just depends on how much pain and irrepairable damage am I willing to endure to do so.

I kept asking God, if I can't play with them, then who can and oh my goodness, will you just heal me so I can get up! Are you serious Lord, if I tell Jim this he will say I shouldn't go to the reunion. Do I make much ado about nothing and ignore it and bear the pain? Lord, what do you want me to do??????

So I sat there, throwing myself a little pity party, sobbing over having to sit still! Imagine that!