Fear

     We are scheduled to begin our Bible study on Fear next week. I am sort of eager to dive head first into this study and sort of scared to at the same time! I know God tells us many times that we are not to be afraid, for He is with us. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 

     If you know me, you know I am not a worrier, but I do have a great, great fear of worms, centipedes, and millipedes, etc.--something about their legs just creep me out. It's something I've been told I really need to work on trusting God about. In our first house together, Jim & I had a slight centipede problem. It was a new house and for some reason, these creatures loved our living room. One night as I was sitting on the couch watching T.V., a giant monster of a centipede came crawling out of nowhere! I ran for Jim. In my fear, what I was waking him up for was lost and he thought there was an intruder. I mean, I did burst into the room and jump into the middle of the bed screaming about a giant in the living room. He went half stumbling, half running. He returned with this look of diappointment on his face...Are you serious Candise, I thought there was someone breaking into our house, you woke me up for that. Tears in my eyes, I sadly nod. He admitted the size and look of the monster was intimidating, but that it wasn't shooting flames and it wasn't about to eat me...GET OVER IT! I know in facing this fear and handing it over to God will lead me to have to come face to face with the little uglies, but it needs to be done. Taylor has noticed my fear. He's so cute about it though. If we see one, he is very quick to stomp it, makes him feel like my little super hero.

     Then there's another fear that plagues me deep within. The fear of losing my family. If you are familiar with my story, then you know I am very acquainted with death. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was Andrew's age and we spent a lot of time visiting the funeral home after the deaths of my parents' friends. When I was 12 my mom, the grandmother who adopted me, passed away from cancer. In 2001, my biological mom, who was a sister to me, went to be with the Lord due to heart failure. The following year my stepsister's heart stopped as well. Add in the older aunts and uncles and great grandparents and well, I guess you could say I am used to it. I think I am very well equipped to deal with death and illness. So my fear lies in the possiblity of losing one of my children or my precious husband. If I am awake when Jim leaves to go running in the mornings, I lay there praying for him the entire time. I pray God will put a light around him so that motorists will see him on the road. I pray that his heart is strong and that he has had enough electrolytes for that morning. When he leaves for work, going all of 5 miles, I am praying that the drivers on the road are careful. I constantly ask God to bring Jim back to me safe and breathing. Then there's the pit

in my stomach that brings me to my knees. Losing a child. Worse would be losing a child and having regrets. I know that there is a chance that one of my children will leave their earthly flesh behind before me, but I pray it doesn't happen that way. A friend who recently lost a son told Jim-- have no regrets. Do it all. Enjoy those boys. Love them like crazy--you never know when the day might be your last. At night I am constantly checking on Andrew, making sure he's still breathing. I don't have a problem telling Taylor the harsh realities of not holding my hand in the parking lot. Some would even say, and I think I might even rationalize it too, that this is a healthy fear. But I believe God wants us to trust Him with our cares, fears and worries, the little ones and the big ones. The NKJV of 2 Timothy 1:7  says For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

     I guess you could say I am eager to start this study to see what else God says about fear. What other fears am I clinging to. In what areas and ways does God want me to trust Him more? The study was written by Mrs. Kay Martin, who has a Certificate and an Advanced Certificate in Women's Ministry from NOBTS and, who, among many, many other things, teaches a ladies Sunday school class at our church and leads numerous studies for women. She has a weekly blog of devotionals that she shares at http://www.kaysponderings.blogspot.com/.